You have been telling everyone that you just don’t understand why I have filed for divorce. Let me refresh your mind.

You/Your:

1. didn’t validate any of my feelings
2. made me question my reality
3. turned things around to be all my fault
4. constant disrespect
5. constant yelling
6. intent to dominate me
7. intent to control me
8. problems were caused by someone/something else
9. need to hang out in bars and strip joints
10. kept me off balance and baffled
11. made me walk on eggshells
12. inappropriate and unacceptable behaviors (sleazy pornography and strippers)
13. dictated to me how I should think and feel
14. constant criticism of me
15. cruelty
16. dishonesty
17. impulsiveness
18. pessimistic outlook
19. nasty power moves
20. are paranoid and suspicious
21. telling me I am crazy
22. critical of me and others
23. are ferocious
24. are hostile
25. have an arrogant demeanor
26. think you are better than everyone else
27. are unfairly competitive
28. think you are special
29. think you are perfect and infallible
30. only pay attention to stuff that affects you personally
31. are manipulative
32. have a lack of empathy
33. go off on tangents
34. judge others as wrong
35. moral intelligence, which is at a level of a 5-6 year old
36. are envious
37. are better than everyone else
38. are contemptuous of others
39. are cruel in little ways as well as big ways
40. either attack or withdraw
41. will trash anyone for your own self-justification
42. spew a load of bile, abuse, contempt and threats
43. think you need to punish me frequently
44. can’t see that you have a problem – it is someone else who has the problem, theyneed to change.
45. don’t want to change, the world needs to change
46. don’t like authority figures
47. are vindictive
48. are backstabbing
49. are evasive
50. are cynical
51. feel entitled to what you can take
52. expect privileges
53. opinions are better than anyone else’s
54. feel entitled to exploit other people
55. have a "gloom and doom" attitude. Henny Penny…the sky is falling
56. are spiteful
57. are impulsive
58. are unpredictable
59. have no remorse or regard for the rights of others
60. pit people against others
61. twist my words and actions
62. are ruthless, demanding, and cruel
63. are a control freak
64. are a pathological liar
65. constantly complain and criticize
66. have frequently outbursts of anger and rage
67. have a Jeckyl/Hyde personality
68. throw childish tantrums
69. are not satisfied with anything
70. are arrogant
71. use haughty stunts while raging
72. think He/She/It/They/Them/You are the problem
73. have an "you owe me" attitude
74. think you don’t have to follow the rules
75. are in denial
76. use verbal jabs passing them off as jokes
77. won’t allow me to have my own thoughts
78. accuse and blame me for everything
79. trivialize my job and ideas
80. don’t allow me to talk, you interrupt me or talk on top of me
81. you have a sense of entitlement
82. undermine and squelch my ideas/suggestions as not right
83. over indulge in gambling, drinking and strip joints
84. need instant gratification
85. call me very disrespectful vulgar names
86. think only you are important
87. think only you are right
88. think only you have feelings
89. think only you matter in this world
90. think you work harder than me
91. think you are sicker than me
92. slam doors when angry
93. break things when angry
94. think your anger is due to someone else causing it
95. smoke in the house to damage my lungs
96. moved out 5 times
97. belittle me
98. humiliate me in front of your friends
99. terrorize me
100. remind me how stupid I am
101. spill things and make me clean them up
102. know how to do things better than me
103. remind me daily that my job is not as important as your job
104. threatened to take my kids from me
105. threatened to make my kids hate me
106. told me I couldn’t make it on my own
107. two strippers whose real names were –Shawna and Kim
108. your girlfriend, Tori
109. lack of the words "I am sorry"
110. your need of spending our anniversary with strippers then lying about it
111. wanted things done your way, or it wasn’t right
112. wanted things done for you right now
113. are the first to point out others flaws
114. are a very mean person
115. suck up to people so they will think you are so nice
116. are a pathological liar
117. act superior to me
118. think it was your job to correct me
119. are conceited, argumentative, and selfish
120. made me feel worthless
121. had no conscience
122. are an authoritarian
123. liked to wake me up in the middle of the night so I would be tired the next day
124. liked to take things away from me
125. thought the things in the house was only yours, no one else could use them
126. always think you have some deadly disease, too bad you didn’t
127. expected me to be devastated when you withdrew from me..I wasn’t
128. have a dismissive attitude of other’s feelings, wishes, needs, and concerns
129. blame others for your circumstances and your failures

I will no longer allow any of these behaviors. You will assuredly deny each and every one of these things and insinuate that I need to see a psychiatrist. Go ahead, you can not hurt me anymore than you already have.

I was in this marriage for what I thought was love. Then I was in this marriage because I was stuck. Now I am out of this marriage for myself.

p.s. You Are A Jerk

Me again. After reading all the submissions, I don’t feel so bad about my situation.  Sure I’m lonely, (even about a relationship that was in hindsight a con job). But I didn’t lose too much $$$$$(some).  And I didn’t have a child with the BASTARD (thank goodness he had a vasectomy. GEE WHY?).  So I don’t have to keep in touch with him like his poor ex. Talked to her by the way.  EYE OPENING! Should have done it sooner.  Don’t know if I believe all the "stuff" but when his kids (who he acted like the perfect Father with) , suddenly don’t want to see him, you wonder why? She said, one daughter thought he "touched" her in an "strange way"!!!!!!  Another daughter was somewhat shunned.  To make a long story short, he had an attitude at her Doctors appt.  Had such a bad attitude with the Ex, he took it out on the child.  "I won’t bring you home to visit UNTIL YOUR MOTHER shows me some respect!" I was told. Cried with him last Fathers Day when neither child called him.  This year? "Happy Fathers Day M* M* of *****, CT!!!!! (Bet its the same "lack of respect).  This year, DON’T wonder why.

Okay… so i have been seeing this JERK, k we’re gonna call him CAPTAIN BUTTHOLE. I have been seeing captain butthole for over two years and I stood by him when no one else was there. He was my best friend and my worst enemy. CAPTAIN BUTTHOLE is the type of man to make you feel like you are the most beautiful woman in the room and then he will leave you wanting more, after all, you can’t get enough of feeling perfect. He knows exactly what women want and he knows how to give it to them. I’m not the type of female that gets caught up, but this one had me from hello and kept me chasing him for over two years. The whole time he is telling me that we’ll settle down together eventually, and that neither of us are ready at this point in our lives! Well, eventually didn’t come fast enough for me and I was starting to get irritated and wanted to move on. However, CAPTAIN BUTTHOLE always assured me that it was going to be okay and led me on to believe that he loved me so much. He slept with my best friend, I left him and still feel it was a great move on my part. I got a new boyfriend, then, c.b. calls me up (b/c we were still friends) and he tells me that he doesn’t love me, never did, and apparently never would have. He CLAIMS that he has told me that several times but I just "couldn’t get it through my head!" Please tell me how "Don’t get discouraged, baby, we’ll be together soon enough" means "I don’t think we are going to work out." If this is some new guy lingo, I am moving to Canada, because I’ll be damned if I get caught buying a copy of "CAPTAIN BUTTHOLE LINGO FOR DUMMIES." WARNING ALL WOMEN: HE WILL SWEET TALK YOU UNTIL YOU CAN’T STOP SMILING AND SHOW YOU MOVES THAT WILL MAKE YOUR TOES NUMB, BUT HE WILL NOT MARRY YOU.

p.s. keep him away from your girlfriends!

I relate to so many on this website.  One criticism though.  I hope that by reading your complaints you realize just how much you put up with all the crap.  Gave way too many chances to the jerks.  I did to my last love.  He was wonderful at first.  All the things a person does for another that makes you think its just "to good to be true".  And I certainly reciprocated- with loan, money, trips, gifts, sex, etc.  He lived with me almost rent free to afford his own home after his divorce (and bankruptcy) .Anyhow, after he got his home.  Suddenly too busy for me.  Found out why right before Christmas.  Caught him sleeping with his MARRIED coworker.  AND if that wasn’t enough, never said he was sorry.  In fact he was MAD at me for ringing his doorbell and embarrassing him!  Made my Holidays very miserable.  But it is over now.  And to you all friends in sorrow-  Cut your losses and move on.  To go back to him, you’ll only get more of the same sorrow and even worse maybe a disease.  You deserve better and if we tolerate and don’t make them accountable – they wont learn. (Maybe they never will but It will be their problem, not ours)  And I’ve got 20 years of dating horror stories.  I’ve learned but can still get duped.  At least I usually catch on earlier now.  Take care. And ask for what you want and need.  Don’t settle.

I’ve been stood up for the last time!  I will no longer allow men to treat me like shit and take me for granted.  I am no longer so desperate for companionship that I will put up with bullshit from a man.  I finally realize that being lonely is better then being shit on and having your heart broken.  These guys act as if their dicks are made of gold.  They think they can get away with treating women any way they want because they are so special.  I now realize that men will treat you as good or as bad as you allow them to.  If you allow yourself to be a doormat then they will walk all over you.  I’ve had it!  I will not close my eyes to bad behavior any more.  I’m officially out of the dating pool.  I don’t want to date anyone, I just want to be left alone.  Until I can improve my skill at selecting a decent man as opposed to being a asshole magnet, then I will not be dating.  To any ladies living in the ******** Michigan area, do yourself a favor and stay away from both Don and Jeff from ******* Gym.  They will string you along and break your heart.

Years later I learn that he’d been working his way through his “long line of fabulous babes” — including prostitutes, outside of our marriage and outside of the USA on business trips…. had a drug habit he’d refused to recognize or do anything about (as though smoking pot every day of your life for 25 years was on the level of a civil right). Angry constantly, especially at me.  No sex for 7 years solid.  And stupid, trusting me sticking with him, all the while trying to figure out what I was “doing wrong” to set him off like that.  Anger, fear, sadness, loneliness.

One Christmas we’re on a visit to his parents for the holiday and I take his dad aside in a desperate attempt for some help.  I tell him I’m not sure how much longer I can “hold on,” and am at wit’s end and don’t know where to turn… can he help in some way?  Can he talk to his son — man to man about what might happen here?  To my everlasting, jaw-dropping astonishment the man goes into a 10 minute monologue that starts with the words:  “The boys’ mother…”  in which he blamed all of his son’s behavior on HIS WIFE.  I was beyond able to respond to this and simply walked away from the conversation without comment.  My retort *should* have been: “Sir, a man learns how to behave towards his wife from observing his father, NOT from what his *mother* does!”  In retrospect, what should I have expected?  We’d all cringed for years as family members stood by and watched this man verbally abuse his own wife at every opportunity.  And I do mean every opportunity.  No chance for denigration went un-grasped.  What goes around, comes around.  Like father, like son.

So, depressed and sad and alone … I find myself doing nothing but going to work and coming home at night in an endless cycle punctuated by telephone calls to him during which he ends up telling me everything that I’m doing wrong… I go on a diet and exercise regimen for months.  Went from a size 16 to a size 6.  He comes home and what does he say??  “Wow!” or “You look wonderful!” or “How did you do it?” or “Congratulations.”  NO.  He tells me I look like I “just stepped out of Auschwitz.”  Oh, there’s more.  Much more.

FINALLY after years of this and trying to get along and begging for us to go into counselling, I went into counselling on my own.  Then, I got involved with someone else because I was so far gone starved for even the simplest kindnesses.  Mere civility was like water on desert sand to me.  After seven years of celibacy and verbal abuse within a marriage.

Later, the house is sold and a check is cut for $104,000.  He tells me we’ll split it.  Months later I get a check for $3,500.   Two years after that, I received $13,000 as the sole final portion in a divorce settlement HIS lawyer wrote up and that I agreed to “without duress or coercion”  . . . . hah hah hah  THAT’s the biggest laugh — sure, I signed the thing that said that because I’d already gotten the threatening phone calls telling me I’d “regret it” if I didn’t sign the agreement.  And the judge and the court officers and the lawyer and the police don’t have to live my life where I have to live it or deal with this person in THEIR personal lives, or knowing THEIR home address — so what the HELL do THEY know or CARE, or can DO anyway.  So I sign (gnaw your own leg off just to get out of the trap).

This after a protracted period of months and months of stubborn “NO LAWYERS whatsoever” or [once again] the ‘you’ll regret it’ threats.

I’m sending this from someone else’s email address, and thankful it’ll never get tracked anyway. 

I have ONE piece of advice:  If you think this cannot happen to YOU.  Think twice.  Oh, THINK TWICE!!  I am well-educated; my husband had a decent job in high-tech.  We lived in suburbia.  We had friends and a house and pets we loved.  I NEVER THOUGHT or knew while he was doing these things on the business trips overseas that he was doing these things.  I thought he was different.  I thought he was above that sort of thing.  Only later did I find out that he preferred women who wore too much makeup and perfume and high heels all the time.  Thank GOD I didn’t find out until later when I’d already moved my heart into a caring relationship and built up some self-confidence and a wall around my heart to protect it from his assaults on me born out of his own internal rage, shame, and insecurity.

GET FINANCIALLY SECURE.  Start and keep your OWN bank account.  Build savings on your own, if necessary.  He always scoffed at my efforts to start some kind of savings for retirement.  Treated me like I was some kind of a “nervous Nelly” … as if I was being *foolish* or neurotic. 

Now in the aftermath of this life with him, I’m 50 years old and have less than $30,000 TOTAL in assets.  NO home, a 17 year old car, and am literally one paycheck from the street.  I have no children and no husband (as I’ll never marry again), and I miss my pets terribly (I’m in a low-rent apartment with a strict no-pets policy).  I have one person in my life who cares, and he’s 68 years old: facing down old age and with no assets to speak of.  One illness, one auto accident, one problem with the landlord, and we’d be in DEEP trouble.  I never thought I’d end up like this.

DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.

Okay… we started out as friends and I really didn’t like him all that much.  Some how it evolved into more.  I remember going to into work and telling the girls, “I slept with him again and it was horrible again”, “Why do I keep doing it?”  My friend says “He seems like such a nice guy, give him a chance”.

5 years later after finding the best sex of my life and completely falling in love with this man I am still being shit on by him.  Why doesn’t he just make it easy for me and put a bullet in my head now?  He has a really bad habit of not returning phone calls for weeks at a time.  When we first got together he kept getting phone calls all the time from some “psycho chick”.  She would call and call and leave really ugly messages for him.  He always said, “She’s crazy, I don’t know what her deal is, we were never together”.  So one night he was over and she was calling he had my friend answer the phone and say, “he’s busy right now, with me”.  We all laughed and I really thought she was crazy.  Well, five years later I have so much sympathy for this “psycho chick” because now I am her!! We went to the cook off one weekend and somehow got separated.  So I call his cell from my cell.. some bitch answers the phone and says… “He’s busy right now.. in my crotch”.  I was furious, we broke up that weekend.  After many apologies we got back together.

And then we broke up again.

It’s been a year now since we lost touch and I miss him so much and just wish that he were back in my life again.  Be careful what you wish for because he called me, I have seen him once and of course we ended up in having great sex again.  Then I found out he has been living with someone for the past year! But I still love him!  And I hate him.  What are men such assholes?  He still says he loves me and that one day he is going to marry me.  Of course he only says that when I am on top.

He makes me crazy.  We had lunch plans today, he was supposed to call me and tell me where he wanted to meet.  At 11:15 I finally called him and told him to go to hell!  Of course it wasn’t actually him because he wouldn’t answer his phone.  Instead I got his voicemail and had a conversation with myself, as usual.  I am sure he will call me back.  He always does but it will be at his convenience and leisure. Probably next week sometime when he will have some lame excuse why he never called.

He’s going hunting this weekend, I hope he shoots his dick off…. maybe if that’s gone I won’t love him so much anymore.

Ladies, my sisters and comrades, I’m afraid our mothers were right. And you know that sneaking suspicion you’ve had about boys since you were twelve? Well it’s true. Yes, I am here to confirm what we’ve (now be honest with yourself) always known but have stubbornly hoped otherwise: MEN ARE JERKS. Some are so high on the Asshole Gage that it’s unbelievable that one man could be SUCH AN ASSHOLE and lo! he’s not even TRYING to be! It’s some sort of goddamned natural gift!

But your average, run-of-the-mill jerk is what we usually find. We’ve all dated them…you know, the beauties that morph into the Beasts. At first he’s so sweet! You sit in the park and listen to the poetry he wrote you, and he hangs on every word you say. When you walk in public he’s grinning from ear to ear simply because he’s with you.

Then … things slow down …He slowly loses interest in how your day was or how you feel. And then it dawns on you.The poetry he wrote you? He merely erased his ex-girlfriends name and scribbled in yours. And when he was “listening” to you? HAHAHA!!! Hell no! He was thinking about you naked, and you wanna know the REAL reason he was smiling with you? He was thinking “Woohoo! Guess who SCORED!!” Yes indeed. Take my Favorite Bastard for instance. We break up (and it’s a long story to go into verbatim) and months later as we’re together he says that he loves me and he truly wants a relationship, not just damn good hand jobs (if I do say so myself. “Well, how do you know you really love me?” “Because I miss you when you’re gone, I want to protect you, and ..I don’t sleep well when you’re not in my arms.”

Awwwww…isn’t that sweet? And then he asked me if we could date again, then adding it’s okay if I didn’t want to. *Sigh* how wonderful … Yeah … I thought so too. Let us pause for a moment to observe this period of peace and tranquility. Blissfully complete and loved. Aaaahhh….. 🙂 … …. …. And then I realized, as so many of us do, that men date for one reason and one reason alone: sex. While women date for love.

Men notoriously choose sex over love, and when they do they become Assholes and will say and do ANYTHING to convince you otherwise because while they may not have figured out everything about women. One fact has managed to trickle down to their brains throughout the centuries” women will not sleep with you unless they are sure you love them back.

If the woman doesn’t care, she’s pretty much a whore and most men don’t want a whore. Not for REAL sex. Hell, it’s just not a CHALLENGE. And that’s what they want, my sisters. A good chase before they plug you and move on.

So what’s the secret to a successful relationship with a man? A relationship where sex isn’t the focus but true love is?

If I knew I wouldn’t be writing this! I’d be with my man toasting to our love in Paris. Maybe we should genetically alter them because as far as I can tell men think a relationship is a cruise ship your whole family goes on.