I really hate guys right now! Seriously, most of them are just after one thing. Even guys who seem really smart, kind, respectable–the guys you think want to do the right thing and show some fucking respect–can be the biggest JERKS you’ve ever met.

These guys try to manipulate you into sleeping with them by getting you drunk, or, taking things back to your/their house to ‘hang out’, or, saying you should just sleep over because you’ve had too much to drink but not to worry because you will just ‘cuddle’. Then they push it with you all night trying to have sex and are surprised when it’s 3am and you say you want to sleep. Then when you don’t want to go over again because, say, you’re leaving the area in 3 days and you don’t want to start something, plus you’re getting the impression they’re not the sweet and reasonable guy you thought they were to begin with, they start letting their true colors out.

Their manipulation techniques are unbelievably fine tuned… I wonder if they read about them in some ‘how to get laid’ book, or just from trial and error. The next night you seem them again, group movie night you’ve already bought tickets for (so unfortunately you have to go). Afterward you all go to a bar, but you drive your own car over there because there’s no fucking way you’re going to this guys house afterward. All night he shows hints of being a possessive bastard, even though you haven’t even had ONE HONEST DATE WITH HIM YET. Then he’s surprised when you say you’re going home: "I thought you were going to drop me off", "Okay, well if you need a ride I can drop you off now, I’m tired and I want to go home (and it’s 1am, it’s not like you’re bailing out early)." Then he gets mad and reveals it’s not really about him going home, it’s about him having another chance to ‘score’ (duh, so can’t he take the hint that you’re not interested???).

Now you start getting into a fight with this guy you hardly know, over something that so clearly is not worthy of a fight (any jury would find him guilty of trying to pressure you into having sex with him, which is obviously wrong). Now, even though you’re not usually the type to get into a fight with people, you are so pissed you’re about to punch this guy. He’s in your face, staring you down, dead serious. He’s employing classic asshole techniques like CONSTANTLY INTERRUPTING YOU AND NOT LETTING YOU GET ONE SENTENCE OUT.

Then he puts you down, telling you you’re a big girl and can make your own decisions (which is annoying either way he could mean it: the way i think he meant it, that I’m old enough to have casual sex without my mommy’s permission, OR, that I’m old enough to decide if I do or don’t want to have sex with him (which, it’s not like this is something which one only gains with maturity, like at any age you need the guys permission to say NO?). Then when you point out he’s being condescending by implying you’re immature (or wtf he was talking about), he denies ever saying it. Then you push the point. Then he tells you you just don’t understand what he’s say (because you’re immature AND A DUMB IDIOT TOO RIGHT??).

Then you try to start from a different angle (even doing him the favor of going back to how you FELT 10 minutes ago, when the reality is now you think he’s such an asshole you wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot poll after how he’s talked to you). You tell him you think he’s an attractive guy, that if you were staying around you’d want to date him, but you’re leaving in three days and don’t want to start a relationship. Now he brings up the fact that you slept over the night before. The whole thing about you not really being thrilled to sleep over, and him having to convince (beg you to) is now lost on him. Because you did it before you are OBLIGATED to now do it again. Limits and boundaries only move one way with these ones. There is no, "hey I was drunk and didn’t want to drive home, that’s why I slept over your place, but it’s not something I want to do again until we get to know each other a little better" thing.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE THIRD DATE RULE?!?!?! Funny I used to feel constrained by that rule, that it was somehow a social norm that was encouraging me to have sex before I was ready, and now, ironically, I seek its refuge. The conversation ends. You hug (ten foot poll traded in for the fact you are SO upset you really need to hug someone). You walk out in tears. Pissed at this guy. Pissed at yourself for even putting yourself in this position. Pissed at yourself for allowing yourself to get sucked into a fight with him. Pissed at men for being SO damn disrespectful. Pissed at yourself for ordering a cosmo (they are too strong, and you’re hung over the next day from just that one)… the moral of the story is DO NOT GO OVER TO SOMEONE’S HOUSE OR INVITE THEM TO YOUR HOUSE UNLESS YOU ARE SURE YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM, otherwise you’re just asking for trouble. .

I continue to be amazed at the neverending selfishness of my husband. I have put up w/ him being an addict, alcoholic and general asshole, simply because I am too nice I suppose. We have one child together who is nothing like his father, thank God. My husband never means what he says, if he says I will be home w/in an hour, it’s sure to be 3-4hrs. Something always comes up that’s more important than coming home. Yet once he does arrive, everyone is supposed to be grateful he’s here and even if it’s 9pm everyone is supposed to feel like talking to him and listening about his day, that obviously ended several hours ago, as he reeks of beer. What gives men the right to totally disregard their families? My husband is 49 yrs old and still parties like there’s no tomorrow. This is embarrassing to our son and I. He drinks and drives openly and thinks that’s okay. I pray he gets caught one day, before someone else gets hurt.

My most important reason for getting up is our son. He is my legacy. Men don’t care if they have a legacy…….

I hope to live alone after my son has moved out…..Peace would be nice.

From Coastal North Carolina: What a jerk! Local airline pilot is blowing up my best friend’s phone – I’m in the National Guard – stationed in New Mexico…blah, blah, blah…can’t wait to see you…I’ll be home the rest of the year…Completely forgot to mention he has a live-with girlfriend out West (one of those big square states). She calls my best friend and announces, "I think we have a friend in common…" Oops. She got the cell phone bill – he’s apparently too stupid and too cheap to have his own (or maybe he has lousy credit) – they share a phone! They exchange text messages he has sent them…not so pretty. Saddest part: Poor, deluded girlfriend is going to pick him up at the airport. (He was going to stay with her for a week before he flew back to the coast to "be with" my friend) And she’s still picking him up…Somebody in Oklahoma, slap her…

Well, my rant is about an instructor I had recently (oh, and by the way, it’s not the first teacher/professor/instructor to come on to me) who began first with long looks at me, which I ignored. Of course he was good looking, but I wasn’t looking and I was also old enough to be his mother and he’s married, so I just let it slide, figured he’d get the hint. But he didn’t. He started touching me (accidentally on purpose) and pretty much did so every class. I began to have feelings for him after one such encounter, which was my mistake, I know but to top this story off, I think he was doing it with more than one female in class. I walked into the ladies’ room the other evening during class and one of the other girls from class was in there and I could tell she’d been crying. I had the distinct impression it was because of him. I pretty much got the idea from his not answering my emails that he was full of shit, but I guess I just didn’t see how much full of it he was until the other night.

Can anything get it through to guys like this how much they hurt women just to feed their faltering egos? Everyone wants to be admired, but seeking it out from women only to hurt or use them and doing it behind their wives’ backs is really pretty low. Don’t you agree?

Oh this one is a doozy, but I’m sure that other women have experienced the same thing.

I met this guy Wayne who worked next door to my office. He was wonderful, he wined and dined me. Took me out, bought me 3 dozen of my favorite flowers when i was having a bad day. He moved into my house with me and my 2 children and we bought a dog together. It was like a perfect little family. 3 days after we bought the dog, I called his cell phone to tell him I was thinking about him and a girl answered the phone. Turns out he has a girlfriend of 7 years that is getting ready to have his baby. He had told her that he was living with a bunch of guys from work. And the weekends that he told me that he was working out of town, he was spending them with her!!!!!!Needless to say, she and I had a lovely chat and I kicked him to the curb. The sad part is, she said that he has done this to her before and she still loved him. Poor girl …

The Jerk: James ******** in Idaho.

Webster’s Definition of “James ********”: Dumbass (noun)

Red Flag #1: Bailing on girlfriend to spend time drinking with male buddies 10 years younger.

Red Flag #2: Telling girlfriend which motorcycle she SHOULD buy.

Red Flag #3: Telling girlfriend that since he pays more for his house and his house is nicer that he won’t be coming over to your house.

Red Flag #4: Trying to convince you to move in, but slipping up by saying that he needs you to move in because his financial position is poor.

Red Flag #5: Spending all of his time with his little buddies….who are all 10 years younger in their early 20s….drinking.

Red Flag #6: Telling girlfriend that he doesn’t like any of her friends so he won’t be spending any time with them.

Red Flag #7: Blaming you instead of taking accountability when he drinks too much and forgets that he has made plans to do something the next day with you.

Red Flag #8: Telling you that he wants children and if you get pregnant he’ll take care of you and the baby.

Red Flag #9: When you do get pregnant, you find he has flat out lied about providing ANY financial assistance and you ultimately have to threaten a law suit to recoup even a quarter of the cost you had to shovel out first.

Red Flag #10: After all of that, he has the audacity AFTER the end has come and gone to approach your friends and spend 45 minutes giving a sob story to the poor chaps telling how he screwed up so badly, he made many mistakes and would consider asking to date again in 4 to 5 months perhaps like the complete idiot he is.

Red Flag #11: Completely uneducated.

Red Flag #12: His own dad refers to him as a flake.

Red Flag #13: His grandparents want nothing to do with him.

Red Flag #14: His friends recognize he is a drunk and refer to him as a “good guy with issues”.

Red Flag #15: Has been hired and fired by the same employer 5 times.

Red Flag #16: Has no aspiration to be anything more than a motorcycle sales person for the rest of his life, unless he moves to Mexico to serve as a fishing guide though he doesn’t own a boat and doesn’t know shit about Mexico.

Summary: Found out the hard way that James ******** is the ultimate jerk and a red flashing warning sign should be secured to his forehead to indicate such. Lots of warning signs ignored because apparently some of us women try way to hard, are way too tolerant and still too submissive when it comes to dating.

Be strong, women. Go with your instincts. Be strong and demand respect, command respect and don’t compromise your morals. Force yourself to see the forest through the trees and recognize red flags when you know they are there. A man who will get angry when you try to bring up the issues is not respectful and certainly not worth your time.

Why do we nice women always fall for the jerks?!!?! I met this guy, we dated for a couple months then started talking about him moving in. We were talking of a life together. Moving, starting a business, getting married…..then he starts with the need for change. He doesn’t let my dog in my house, tells me my 2 kids need more rules, more discipline, more chores, more consequences. Then my house wasn’t neat enough nor big enough for him, he wanted me to buy a bigger house but he didn’t think he should have to pay since it wasn’t his house and he wouldn’t gain anything from paying me. Then when I told him I couldn’t move into a bigger house for him, after all I have two kids I have to support not a grown man of 40, he left. Said that it wasn’t working. Then I find out he did the same thing to his prior girlfriend, and he was talking to her the whole time we were dating and went to pick up her motorcycle with her. He said that he felt like he had to since when they were dating she financed a Harley for him because he had no credit and if he didn’t do things for her he would loose the bike. He never told her he was seeing me and told her he was living at his brothers house. He had gotten her pregnant and told her he wanted her to have an abortion. She said that she would raise the baby alone but then miscarried. He doesn’t have a job, his business has failed. He won’t go out and get a job so he gets by on constantly mooching off women until he gets a little money then moves out and gets his own place until the money is gone. Then he finds another unsuspecting woman. I asked him more questions today and all I got were lies. Men suck!!! All Men Suck!!

He started out really sweet, telling me how great I smelled and how perfect I fit into his arms. That he wanted to take care of me. Brought me coffee every morning that I stayed at his townhouse he was renting the week my kids spent spring break @ Grandma and Grandpas. Made me dinner, rubbed my feet, came to my work in the am and met me just to say good morning, text me most mornings with a good morning baby! Said that he loved me and my kids and wanted a normal life like I could give him. He just wants people to feel sorry for him because his mother died when he was twelve and his life changed for the worst after his father married some evil stepmother who clawed his skin out with her nails. He lives off women now making them feel sorry for him and he feels like he is owed something because he was gypped  out of a happy childhood. He is 41 now and feels like he has worked enough in his life. Well join the real world honey, the rest of us have to work for what we have so what makes you so special!?!?! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and making others feel sorry for you and get a life!! And a job for that matter! He thinks that his ill grandfather is going to die and leave his all this money which he probably doesn’t have since he lives in a trailer park and his grandmother is doing fine, so I don’t think he is going to be rich anytime soon. Get a job and get off women! I can’t help but still have feelings for him and how things used to be, I still feel sorry for him even though I know that he is a lire and uses women. If he wasn’t so damn beautiful on the outside he wouldn’t get anything from another woman ever again. But he is fucking beautiful. Gorgeous ass, legs, total package too bad he is fucked up on the inside……..

Ok, so I’m not done with my rant on this guy. I didn’t mention previously that he had been married three times and has a daughter from his second wife. His first marriage lasted about six months and he had it annulled. He wanted to move in with the girl and she wouldn’t move in with him unless they were married so….. six months later they were done and he had moved on. Then came the second wife. They were engaged but he called it off and then found out she was pregnant so he felt it was the right thing to do, getting married. They were married 11/2 years and got divorced. I was told that he cheated on her all the time and he left for some chick he met at the bar. When they were together he decided they should quite drinking. She had a child which her mother was raising cause she was a drunk and he talked her into taking her child back after they quite drinking.

They were together a total of ten years so he says, married for five and the last year he didn’t even live there. She started drinking again and left him for some other guy. His daughter, who lives with her mother (wife no. 2) he hardly ever sees and rarely ever gives money to her mother for her. When he was living in the town home he was renting she slept in the second bedroom on the floor because he didn’t even have a bed for her! His 3rd ex wife wouldn’t allow her to their house because she didn’t like her, so he says. I couldn’t believe that he didn’t even provide her with a bed to sleep in. He had a Harley, a new truck and was renting a really nice townhouse but his daughter slept on the floor. And he was telling me how to raise my kids?!?!?!

Oh, and did I mention that he smoked pot? When he told me I almost called it off. It was the very beginning but he said that he would quit. I told him I had heard that before and he said that people change for people they love and that he would show me that he didn’t have to. I was soo upset that I laid in bed all day that Monday. But after talking to him several times during the day I continued on in the relationship, against my better judgment, because he was so wonderful and beautiful. There were a couple times that he was outside cleaning out my pool when he would run in the house right past me and go wash his mouth out in the bathroom.

Once I went out there to see what he was doing and I could smell the pot and couldn’t believe it. I had just let him move into my house and he promised me that he wouldn’t bring it around me or my kids and there he was, living in my house, smoking pot! I am totally against any drugs of any kind and he knew that. But for some reason I didn’t say anything. Anyway, he did do me one favor and that is he put my bedroom back together that my ex had ripped up to remodel but then let it sit for six months before he moved out and into his girlfriends house. So thanks for that. He is supposed to come over this weekend and get the rest of the stuff he left at my house when he moved out three months ago. I haven’t seen him since he left and it’s driving me crazy thinking of seeing him. I know he’s a player but, what is my problem?

So he came by yesterday to get the rest of the things he left when he moved out three months ago and we talked a little. I offered him some coffee and then he left. He texted me that he wanted to give me a hug and he wanted me to know that. I told him to come back to get it but he said that he couldn’t. I really think he is just saying that to see what I would say but I really still wish he would be the one, the man of my dreams that he was in the beginning. Sweet, fun, loving, and totally hot. He is still hot and I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed if he wanted back in even knowing all I know. Call me stupid………….

Today my husband ruined my favorite tree. It was a magnolia. He has always hated it and wanted it gone. A couple years ago, he pulled out the other tree that I really liked and replaced it with one he wanted. Well, today I was putting up the Halloween decorations with my kids and he was pruning the trees. I asked him where the pruners were so I could clip a few straggly limbs off my Magnolia and he said he’d do it for me. I had my back turned for just a few moments and when I turned around he had clipped all of the limbs off except for a few that shot straight up. He walked away saying to my tree, "you’re kind of ugly, but you’ll be just fine." I stood there in shock with my eyes filling with tears. I couldn’t hold back crying so I ran into the house and tried to go to sleep. After about an hour of lying there devastated I went out and cut what was left of my tree down. I asked him why he had to do it and commented that he didn’t have any problem pruning his trees properly. He just laughed and said, "Yeah, it was a conspiracy against your tree." Every really big hurt I have ever experience in my life has been because of a man. They are all jerks.