I met this guy in high school…we were in a ton of classes together. One Day he asks me to go out with him… It was that day before Valentines day. So sweet! So any ways we ended up together for 4+ years. Everything was going great He asked me to marry him, I got a great night job. Then, behind my back my cousin and her best friend start going over to his house. He starts dating her friend…and a couple of weeks later he CALLS me and tells me that he never loved me and he was leaving me for someone else and to give him back his ring. I gave him back the ring….and would you know that a month after that he traded in my ring for a bigger one and ask him to marry her and they did. (about a year after that he told my cousin that he shouldn't have done that and he should have stayed with me) WHAT EVER JERK!!!!!!!!!
Author Archives: RP
Contributed by “L” in Washington (#30)
When I first met him, he was very attentive, and always called when he said he would. After a while we moved in together and that is when it all changed.
Living together means you have to pay bills together. For some reason, he challenged me each time a bill came up, and tried to get out of it. For one of his reasons, He constantly complained that his job was soooo much better than mine, and that he makes more, and that he works so much harder than me (I never once tried to "compete" with him regarding our jobs)… He got fired from his job for disobeying direct orders and tried to blame it on them. He was always quick to blame anyone and anything but himself. He always bragged how he worked so hard but later when I talked to his co-workers, they said he was the most lazy and manipulative person they'd ever worked with.
Almost on a daily basis, I was accused that I was cheating on him and talking to "so many other guys" when this was far from the truth. When I saw his mail on his myspace account he talked to about ten girls on a regular basis and called at least five of them all the time! I didn't get it. Sorry for me but I shut down and hardly talked to any of my real friends. He told me I was a disgusting slut because I was in the military for 7 years (honorably discharged) and said that "all military girls are total sluts." He even went as far as to delete numbers from my phone of many of my male contacts and deleted people when he hacked into my email/myspace.
He took it upon himself to track every webpage I visited and even downloaded a program to get the passwords to everything I had a password to and checked that all the time before I deleted it from my computer.
He was violent with me. He used to scream in my face about how I was a slut because a guy emailed me and told me in the end of his letter "talk to you later beautiful". He told me I was a liar but I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells because no matter WHAT I DID HE WOULD TWIST IT INTO SOMETHING CRAZY!! I'd want to go get some groceries (which I always purchased, and always cooked for him) and he'd say "Who are you gonna have sex with?" and call my phone while I was gone demanding to know what I was doing. I never once cheated on him or even wanted to cheat on him. I was blind, stupid and in love.
To top it all off, he totalled my beautiful car that I had paid off for over a year and spent time, money and lots of TLC on. He was stupid and turned left in front of someone who was going straight. I was furious but got an insurance settlement and for some reason he wanted me to give him a big chunk of it, saying that he deserves some of the money because he was driving… HOW STUPID! I never gave him a DIME! When I got a new car, he told me that it was stupid and how I looked stupid in it. He never had a nice word to say.
He was violent with me as well. He liked to hold me down against my will and scream in my ear. He liked to pick me up and shove me against a wall and drop me to the floor for things like getting a text message from a friend across the country. He destroyed a wall and a door in our apartment after we broke up the first time and hacked into my messenger and read a few messages I exchanged with an old friend. The police came that night and now he is living with his mommy rent free and bill free and there is a no contact order issued.
If I have to, I will testify against him in court. I can't believe I let myself be treated so bad for so long and just tried to think "oh it will get better." Because of him, my credit is ruined, my car was totalled, my psyche is totally messed up and who knows if I will ever love someone.
He's the biggest manipulator, liar and evil person on the planet.
A different Point of View by “B” in Texas (#29)
At the risk of incurring the wrath of women everywhere, I must say that I disagree with the premise that men are jerks. Male bashing has become a popular sport in our country, costing men more than just a little in terms of self-esteem, freedom of speech and in fact, putting them in a very similar place to the one women were in before the Women’s Lib movement freed us to be "equals".
What if, as Rob Becker, creator of Defending the Caveman, contends, men are not jerks (sub his expletive), but merely different from women? There are some people who mistreat others, but they come in both genders. It is true that some men lie, cheat and exploit. It is equally true for some women.
If a website were to appear stating that women were jerks, there would be such a loud hue and cry across the land (not to mention countless lawsuits) that men would fairly tremble in fear of repercussions. Why the double standard? Wasn’t that what we were trying to get rid of with Women’s Lib??
I submit that men are not jerks. They are just men (apologies to Tammy Wynette). We women are disappointed that they are different from us, and we turn that disappointment into criticism. Do we really want them to be like us? Would we find them attractive if they were? I don’t think so. Keep in mind that while we young girls were playing with dolls and playing house, the boys were out playing sports and other activities usually involving battles, i.e. killing each other. Harkening back to cave times, we are hardwired to do what we do best. Men protect, women nurture. Do you think we could cut the gender a break and just say (if we must) that some men are jerks, and some men are princes???
Contributed by “V” in Texas (#28)
About five months ago my husband of almost ten years just decided he wanted us to separate, he needed a "break". I was recovering from breast cancer at the time. Since I’ve moved out, I have found out that his "break" has included an affair he was having prior to my leaving and then many, many women since. He decided he wanted a woman with "normal" breasts. He has now become an internet "predator". He is an active member of date.com, moredate.com, maturedatelink.com, eharmony.com and match.com. He’s seeing so many women that I’m amazed he still has time for his business. This man is seriously evil. I just cannot believe I loved him with all my heart for so many years and he threw me away like yesterday’s newspaper! His name should be in the dictionary beside the word "jerk".
Contributed by “R” in California (#27)
I really hate guys right now! Seriously, most of them are just after one thing. Even guys who seem really smart, kind, respectable–the guys you think want to do the right thing and show some fucking respect–can be the biggest JERKS you’ve ever met.
These guys try to manipulate you into sleeping with them by getting you drunk, or, taking things back to your/their house to ‘hang out’, or, saying you should just sleep over because you’ve had too much to drink but not to worry because you will just ‘cuddle’. Then they push it with you all night trying to have sex and are surprised when it’s 3am and you say you want to sleep. Then when you don’t want to go over again because, say, you’re leaving the area in 3 days and you don’t want to start something, plus you’re getting the impression they’re not the sweet and reasonable guy you thought they were to begin with, they start letting their true colors out.
Their manipulation techniques are unbelievably fine tuned… I wonder if they read about them in some ‘how to get laid’ book, or just from trial and error. The next night you seem them again, group movie night you’ve already bought tickets for (so unfortunately you have to go). Afterward you all go to a bar, but you drive your own car over there because there’s no fucking way you’re going to this guys house afterward. All night he shows hints of being a possessive bastard, even though you haven’t even had ONE HONEST DATE WITH HIM YET. Then he’s surprised when you say you’re going home: "I thought you were going to drop me off", "Okay, well if you need a ride I can drop you off now, I’m tired and I want to go home (and it’s 1am, it’s not like you’re bailing out early)." Then he gets mad and reveals it’s not really about him going home, it’s about him having another chance to ‘score’ (duh, so can’t he take the hint that you’re not interested???).
Now you start getting into a fight with this guy you hardly know, over something that so clearly is not worthy of a fight (any jury would find him guilty of trying to pressure you into having sex with him, which is obviously wrong). Now, even though you’re not usually the type to get into a fight with people, you are so pissed you’re about to punch this guy. He’s in your face, staring you down, dead serious. He’s employing classic asshole techniques like CONSTANTLY INTERRUPTING YOU AND NOT LETTING YOU GET ONE SENTENCE OUT.
Then he puts you down, telling you you’re a big girl and can make your own decisions (which is annoying either way he could mean it: the way i think he meant it, that I’m old enough to have casual sex without my mommy’s permission, OR, that I’m old enough to decide if I do or don’t want to have sex with him (which, it’s not like this is something which one only gains with maturity, like at any age you need the guys permission to say NO?). Then when you point out he’s being condescending by implying you’re immature (or wtf he was talking about), he denies ever saying it. Then you push the point. Then he tells you you just don’t understand what he’s say (because you’re immature AND A DUMB IDIOT TOO RIGHT??).
Then you try to start from a different angle (even doing him the favor of going back to how you FELT 10 minutes ago, when the reality is now you think he’s such an asshole you wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot poll after how he’s talked to you). You tell him you think he’s an attractive guy, that if you were staying around you’d want to date him, but you’re leaving in three days and don’t want to start a relationship. Now he brings up the fact that you slept over the night before. The whole thing about you not really being thrilled to sleep over, and him having to convince (beg you to) is now lost on him. Because you did it before you are OBLIGATED to now do it again. Limits and boundaries only move one way with these ones. There is no, "hey I was drunk and didn’t want to drive home, that’s why I slept over your place, but it’s not something I want to do again until we get to know each other a little better" thing.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE THIRD DATE RULE?!?!?! Funny I used to feel constrained by that rule, that it was somehow a social norm that was encouraging me to have sex before I was ready, and now, ironically, I seek its refuge. The conversation ends. You hug (ten foot poll traded in for the fact you are SO upset you really need to hug someone). You walk out in tears. Pissed at this guy. Pissed at yourself for even putting yourself in this position. Pissed at yourself for allowing yourself to get sucked into a fight with him. Pissed at men for being SO damn disrespectful. Pissed at yourself for ordering a cosmo (they are too strong, and you’re hung over the next day from just that one)… the moral of the story is DO NOT GO OVER TO SOMEONE’S HOUSE OR INVITE THEM TO YOUR HOUSE UNLESS YOU ARE SURE YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM, otherwise you’re just asking for trouble. .
Contributed by “L” in Maryland (#25)
I continue to be amazed at the neverending selfishness of my husband. I have put up w/ him being an addict, alcoholic and general asshole, simply because I am too nice I suppose. We have one child together who is nothing like his father, thank God. My husband never means what he says, if he says I will be home w/in an hour, it’s sure to be 3-4hrs. Something always comes up that’s more important than coming home. Yet once he does arrive, everyone is supposed to be grateful he’s here and even if it’s 9pm everyone is supposed to feel like talking to him and listening about his day, that obviously ended several hours ago, as he reeks of beer. What gives men the right to totally disregard their families? My husband is 49 yrs old and still parties like there’s no tomorrow. This is embarrassing to our son and I. He drinks and drives openly and thinks that’s okay. I pray he gets caught one day, before someone else gets hurt.
My most important reason for getting up is our son. He is my legacy. Men don’t care if they have a legacy…….
I hope to live alone after my son has moved out…..Peace would be nice.
Contributed by “T” in North Dakota (#25)
It all began one fall day. There was this guy that one of my friends introduced me to. He was really sweet and I agreed to meet up with him. He was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. He was really sweet and even asked before he kissed me. I didn’t know him for more than 2 days and he asked me out. I was soo excited.
We were a really public couple. We went to basketball, football, volleyball and just everything together. He was really tall and I’m really short but everyone thought it was cute. He was my idea of the world’s greatest guy.
When we got to the one month anniversery he took me into a jewelry store and told me to pick out a necklace. I was shocked but very surprised. He bought me a beautiful necklace. Then he told me that he loved me and that his heart was mine. I was head over heels.
Finally Christmas rolls around. I wasn’t expecting anything big. I bought him this really nice sweatshirt and some body stuff. He had went out, bought all of my family presents and then got me a gold glass dipped rose. IT WAS $100!
A few weeks after, him, my mom, and me sat down and talked about birth control. My mom was very surprised to have Zach talk about it with her. She approved greatly of him.
All this time, he was the sweetest guy ever. But all during the time, he was having problems with his parents. They thought I was too young for him. They kept on telling him " She’s only 15 and you’re 19, get a real girlfriend" He kept on blowing them off. It finally got to the point where he couldn’t live there anymore. My parents took a plunge and told him he could live with us.
He moved into our house and I was in heaven. Every day, I got to see him and talk to him and just be there with him. It was AMAZING! He actually sat down every night and talked with my parents about everything. He’d kick me out of the room just so he could talk to them. It wasn’t too long after that my parents fell completely in love with him. He even told my parents he was going to marry me. He was completely in love with me. He told him mom one night in an agruement that he loved me and was going to marry me!
After living at my house a few weeks, his parents invited him home for supper one night. That night, when he came back to my house, he was a completely different man. He completely shut me out of his life. A week after he had visited home, he moved back with no explanation. He never thanked my parents for everything, nada.
Before he moved out, he started talking to me about what would happen if we broke up. I told him not to worry about it because it wasn’t going to happen.
For 6 monthes/Valentine’s Day, I decided to do something really special. He’d been kind of distant for a while, so I decided to surprise him with tickets to his favorite band. I bought 2 and told him I’d pay for gas. He sounded excited.
Valentine’s day rolled around. He showed up at my house late with a dinky bouquet of flowers for me and one flower for my mom. We sat there and watched movies all night, just me and him and my parents. He never thanked my mom for supper, nothing. He was a jerk that night too. I’d dressed up for him and he wasn’t very grateful for all i’d done for him.
That Friday night, we drove down to Bismarck to watch his favorite band. He didn’t talk to me the whole way down. I thought he was mad at me, so I kept asking if he was ok. So we get to the concert and he finally admits something was bothering him but he didn’t want to talk about it now. We danced at the concert and ended up leaving early because he was getting crabby. My mom and dad had agreed to meet us half way and take me the rest of the day home. I fell asleep and finally woke up to him talking VERY loud on his phone to one of his buddies. I waited for him to get off the phone so we could talk. He didn’t get off until we met my parents. He started talking about something to the effect that we kinda needed a break and whatever. I told him we’d talk more about it tomorrow.
I had a speech meet the next day. I call him after the speech meet and he doesn’t answer his phone. I thought he was busy but we had made plans to hang out that night. I kept on calling him and calling him. FINALLY I got a hold of him. He was drunk. He starting jabbing on and on about how this was all my fault that he was drunk, that he had told me that he was going out and all this crap. I told him to call me the next day when he was sober and I hung up on him. I was completely pissed. I’m usually a pretty understanding person but I was screaming at him that night.
I never got a call the next day. I finally got a hold of him and told him I was coming over. He starting going on about how his parents were sick and all this crap. I still went over to his house. I walked down stairs and he was just lying there. I was going to start yelling at him until I saw the look in his eyes. He sat me down and I asked him what the hell went on last night. He looked all confused and I explained it to him that he tried to blame it on me. He completely denied it all. I started yelling at him but then I broke down crying. He told me that we needed to take a break. He had some stuff that was going on and that he couldn’t have a girlfriend to concentrate. I then made the mistake of asking him if he wanted a break or to break up completely. He looked at me and I started bawling. He just sat there and watched me cry, not saying a damn word. I was bawling, sobbing so hard I couldn’t breathe. He finally gave me a hug and said he just needed some time to think and get his life right, but he’d be back.
It’s been 3 monthes since he’s been gone. I’ve come to realize that he didn’t break up wtih me because of work. It was entirely because of his parents because they hate me. He has turned into a complete JERK and ignores me. He said he wanted to be friends but I can’t be friends with a jerk like that. He keeps trying to make me jealous with all of his girlfriend and stuff but I don’t care. He’s completely changed and is a complete asshole. I have a new guy who I know wouldn’t do taht to me and if he does, he’s going to get kicked in the nuts.
Contributed by “J” in North Carolina (#24)
From Coastal North Carolina: What a jerk! Local airline pilot is blowing up my best friend’s phone – I’m in the National Guard – stationed in New Mexico…blah, blah, blah…can’t wait to see you…I’ll be home the rest of the year…Completely forgot to mention he has a live-with girlfriend out West (one of those big square states). She calls my best friend and announces, "I think we have a friend in common…" Oops. She got the cell phone bill – he’s apparently too stupid and too cheap to have his own (or maybe he has lousy credit) – they share a phone! They exchange text messages he has sent them…not so pretty. Saddest part: Poor, deluded girlfriend is going to pick him up at the airport. (He was going to stay with her for a week before he flew back to the coast to "be with" my friend) And she’s still picking him up…Somebody in Oklahoma, slap her…