Can you be scammed?

A few years ago, after a friend of mine was taken for about $10,000 in a romance scam she fell for, I posted a link to this MSNBC article: Seduced into scams: Online lovers often duped.

You’d think it would be almost impossible to fall into such a trap, but the people behind the scams are very bright at working the crowd to find their victims. This post on the Neuromarketing blog tells how the scammers can send millions of emails and quickly find a few patsies to make their enterprise profitable. The article highlights a common banking scam, but the same strategies can work on dating sites.

And remember, to a scammer Desperation = Gullibility

Are you waiting to be chosen?

I have stumbled across a very worth read for those of you who’ve found a reason to visit this site. Not that I mind your being here, of course. But, Natalie over on Baggage Reclaim has written Are You Waiting To Be Chosen? Why It’s Time To Put Away Your Choose Me Stick.” I won’t be offended if you leave this site to read it. Go! Scoot! Do it now! (then come back here and tell me what you think in the comments)

Contributed by “D” in Texas (#44)

I met a guy on POF, and after talking on the phone, decided to meet for coffee. He was VERY good looking, and when we sat down, he looked into my eyes and said he felt an incredible connection. After several cups of coffee, he convinced me that we should go back to my place. When we got there, he started grabbing food out of my fridge, and started eating it like he was starving. Of course he wanted sex, and afterward, he just stayed and stayed. He brought a bag, so here he was for the night. During the night, he kept getting up and looking around, especially in my guest room.

Not long after, he was coming over, so I closed the door to the guest room. He just goes to the bathroom a lot, and goes in that room. So I told him I wanted to keep the door closed so the cats won’t go in there. So……..he had some of his stuff on the bed in that room, and said he was getting his wallet, and closed the door after he went in. I have my bank statements and other types of paper on my desk. He was in there for a long time, so I walked in. He was standing there looking in his bag. I’m sure that he knows how much money I have, or I don’t think he’d be that interested. He also wants to know what kind of prescriptions I take, and he asked if he could have some trazodone. To go to sleep at night he takes trazodone, Benadryl, NyQuil and Tylenol PM. And, he keeps the NyQuil by the bed and sips on it all night. He asked if I had any xanax or hydrocodone.

I had a pile of my son’s clothes on the floor that I was going to take to Goodwill, and he started looking through them. He wanted them all! They were much too small for him. The next morning I made breakfast for him, hoping that he would leave. But he hung around for several more hours, eating my food, watching cable TV and watching the news. He kept wandering around from room to room.

Two days later, he showed up to take me to dinner. I was so embarrassed because he was dressed in my son’s clothes from head to toe. They were all too small, but he thought he looked great. When we got home, I told him that I had an early morning, and it hurt his feelings, but he did leave.

Now he’s hinting around that he wants to rent my spare bedroom, and that maybe I could give him a job. I can see it now, he would sit the whole time and watch CNN, and I would be doing all the work! He also wants to buy my car! I think he’s a nutcase.

I am not going to answer his calls and hopefully he will disappear! But those are the kind of people that are hard to get rid of. The bad thing is that he knows where I live…I need to be smarter when it comes to men! He is pretty good in bed, but very selfish. It’s all about him. I know there are good men out there, but for now, I am not available!!

The Beat Goes On …

The sad stories are endless and it’s very clear that a good man is hard to find. If you watched the previous post of Philip Zimbardo speaking, it appears that they’re getting even harder to find. The demographic shifts are significant. More women than men now graduate from college, for one, meaning that a woman may have to “move down” in her choice of a man. This site has always been a bit tongue-in-cheek, even though the rants I’ve published are clearly sincere and often speak of some very real pain. Still, there are good men out there. Neely Steinberg has written a worthy post on The Good Men Project … 20 Things I Love About Men. It’s worth a read. – RP

Contributed by “S” (#43)

I’ve been married to my husband for going on 4 years. He never wants to spend time with me. He doesn’t like to cuddle or kiss. He doesn’t say I love you. He’s never romantic. He doesn’t listen to my worries or cares or thoughts. He falls asleep when I cry.

We have two children together. A two year old and a 2 month old. He works from home and I stay home with the babies. Every day is the same. I wake up at 6 am with the baby. I serve him coffee, breakfast, lunch and dinner. I do all the housework and take care of the babies. I pay all the bills, run all the errands, make all the important phone calls. He works 7-3 and that’s about it. The rest of the day he’s playing video games while I work around him. I bathe the children and put them to bed by myself and then I get an hour downtime before I go to bed. And then I wake up a couple of times at night with the baby. I live on a strict schedule everyday to make sure it all gets done smoothly.

OK! I have no complaint about this. I like my busy schedule. But I asked my hubby for one evening off a week. A few hours to relax. No babies. No chores. Nothing but peace and quiet locked in my bathroom with a cool cucumber mask, a bubble bath and my ipod. I had to really push him for this. He didn’t want to do it. I BEGGED. I got it one week (it was a disaster.) The next week he refused. This week he didn’t even say anything to me. He just walked out of the house and disappeared for a few hours before coming home and taking a nap.

Don’t I deserve ONE night off??? I’m not sure he even loves me anymore… or ever did for that matter.

I could tell all the stories. But I’ll just mention these. Wedding day – he was playing video games less than an hour after we said I do. Honeymoon – his mother kept calling and he would actually stop whatever we were doing to chat with her! Once for over an hour!

Contributed by a different “L” (#42)

My man and I have only been married for almost 2 years but so much about him annoys me. He can be very inconsiderate of others feelings. He doesn’t seem to care if he hurts me emotionally and says things then apologizes later but has already done the hurt. Then if I don’t forgive or say something like you’re just saying that he will go off on me again. If i ever cry he will mock me and criticize me. He calls me a fat butt and bitch a lot. It really hurts my feelings. We can barely go a day without arguing over something. He touches his penis a lot or whistles quietly when he sees another women and when I say something he says I’m just being paranoid and insecure. He also smiles at the attractive women he walks by but not woman who are older or plainly. He says he can’t help who he walks by. He makes stupid little inside jokes about a women’s mouth when we are at check out at the grocery store or video store and will hold out a long conversation with me standing right there. He rarely gives me compliments and even his mother is kinda rude to me and judgmental and barely knows me. I have mentioned divorce and he says he doesn’t believe in divorce and won’t sign. So it’s like he wants to keep me hostage and be mean to me while flirting with other women. It’s disgusting and wrong. He even said one of his stripper friends he used to see was worth more than me. He said she was worth $20 or more and I was barely worth $20 if that. He’s so mean to me and wants all the control. It’s his way or the high way. I can’t take it. I wish I had listened to my family and not even married him. Why are men such jerks sometimes is hard for me to understand.

Editor’s note: I don’t believe there’s any state in this country where you can be stopped from getting out of a marriage. It’s not a matter of his "signing off." Please consult a lawyer or legal aid organization.